Emotional Disaster.

This was my Emo-days. I was able to retrieve this from my old files. I can't believe that I said too much!

And I am a weapon of massive consumption
and its not my fault its how I’m program to function

I am staring at a blank page, hoping that words might somehow visit me. It’s like a decade since the last time that I write something like this. Why is this happening? I can’t create something worth blogging for.  There’s something wrong here… or should I say there is something wrong with me.

I keep chasing pavements. Thinking of the career I chose makes me look like a shrink while others are savoring their time on the path that I should have taken also. I’m not the person like before where words are just toys that I can play. Now, it’s hard for me to decipher things. So I was thinking, maybe I’m really not born for this. Maybe I am entitled to do something more than this. I want it to be more… more… more than this. I don’t want something less ‘coz it’s for losers. And I’m not one of them. Every person I know says that I am a great individual that I’m intended to do great things. Jeez! I don’t know what to think.  I don’t know if it’s true or I am just really blessed or cursed to have friends like them who’ll say what I want to hear… who will pamper me with those encouraging words. Its not that I don’t like it (I am not complaining) but sometimes it makes me feel how pathetic I am because I know deep inside that I’m not a girl with super power who can do anything. I am not your Claire Bennet. I am not invincible. 

This is what I hate the most. Every time that I do something like this it always end up as an ocean of emotional disasters – me for being so procrastinate; my hopes and dreams; obsessions, envies and lies; and my effing craziness! The paragraph should close but I can’t stop muttering. Please bare with me. I just out of space… like a monkey that has been shut outer space. 

Words are colliding in front of me. The more I need it the more they scattered.

^__^